Every schoolboy, or girl, who has spent precious after-school hours or Sunday mornings in religious school, knows the story of the Tower of Babel. The Old Testament’s Genesis, Chapter 11, tells us that all of mankind originally spoke one language, but how Man’s penchant to place himself above the Creator occasioned his own downfall: “And the whole earth was of one language and of one speech…And they said: ‘Come; let us build us a city, and a tower, with its top in heaven, and let us make us a name…’” Seeing the people’s vaingloriousness, the Lord “confounded their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech.” The result, of course, is that we have thousands of languages spoken on Planet Earth, most of which are unpronounceable to the Western tongue. Almost 7,000 languages The most reputable publication in the field of language study is Ethnologue. It lists 6,809 languages in the world. Of those, only 230 are spoken in Europe, while 2,197 are spoken in Asia. Here are just the first ten languages in the book’s alphabetical listing: Ani (Bostswana), ‘Are’are (Solomon Islands), ‘Auhelawa (Papua-New Guinea), A’tong (India), Aari (Ethiopia), Aariya (India), Aasax (Tanzania), Abadi (Papua-New Guinea), Abaga (Papua-New Guinea), and Abai Sungai (Malaysia). Perhaps the area with the world’s greatest linguistic diversity is Papua-New Guinea, where there are an estimated distinct 832 languages spoken by a population of around seven million people. But the language of young Americans might deserve its own listing in Ethnologue. When I was a teenager – back in the dim mists of prehistory – we had a few favorite sayings: “cool”, “bitchin’”, “far out”, “tough”, and “groovy” being among the most memorable adjectives of my youth. Texting: advance or regression? Today’s imperative for brevity and often incomprehensibility, occasioned by the advent of texting and other advancements designed to do anything but advance society, have brought about a new level of teen-speak. In a (probably vain) attempt to help today’s adults comprehend the young changes they were assisting, Cristin Jordan recently contributed a piece to the Boys & Girls Club of America website. I wouldn’t even try to provide definitions; thank goodness she did. I just localized some examples. Those of you who are blessed (or cursed, depending on the day of the week) with teenagers at home, or who have young employees, will find communicating with this fascinating subspecies more easily achieved with her assistance…and perhaps my explanations. 411: Information or news. I missed the announcement yesterday – what’s the 411 on pay raises? BFN: Bye for now; usually used in text or online chatting. I have to get ready for tomorrow’s chamber board meeting. BFN. BTW: By the way; typically used in text or online chatting. Thanks for introducing me to Gary Thomas, btw. Bounce: To leave. This mixer’s fun but I have work to do, so I’m gonna bounce. Cheezin: To smile or grin. Did you see the way he was cheezin on the company website? Chillaxin: A combination of chill and relaxing, usually used to denote hanging out or taking it easy. We aren’t going to do much this weekend, just stay at home and chillax. CTN: Can’t talk now; used in text or online chatting. My boss is here, CTN. Emo: Derived from the word emotional, this term usually describes a group of youths who listen to certain types of alternative music and dress in a particular way. I hear the utilities don’t hire emo kids. Fly: Pretty, attractive or cool; a compliment. Cynthia’s suits are really fly. Hater: Someone who puts something or someone down or doesn’t like something. The Valley’s a terrible place to work. Don’t be a hater. In a minute: Denotes a lengthy amount of time gone by, such as weeks, months or years. He was chairman of VICA a few years ago. I haven’t seen him in a minute! JK: Just kidding; typically used in text or online chatting. I think the Valley doesn’t pay its fair share of city taxes. JK. TTYL: Talk to you later; generally used in text or online chatting. Got to go; Fleming’s calling the meeting to order; ttyl. Up in my grill: Refers to someone being all over another, or in one’s face. Usually this is derogatory and often, but not always, denotes an incendiary event. He was all up in my grill trying to tell me we need more tall buildings on Ventura. Wicked: Describes something cool. The food at Firefly is wicked! Remember, spelling words out and using full sentences with grammatical construction is…well…so yesterday! “The poor girl does not know how to have a conversation. Unfortunately, she does know how to speak.” Winston Churchill Martin Cooper is President of Cooper Communications, Inc. He is Immediate Past President of the Los Angeles Quality and Productivity Commission; Founding President of The Executives; Vice Chairman-Marketing of the Boys & Girls Club of the West Valley; and a member of the Boards of the Valley Economic Alliance and of the LAPD’s West Valley Jeopardy Program. He is Past Chairman of VICA and Chairman of its Board of Governors; Past President of the Public Relations Society of America-Los Angeles Chapter; and of the Encino Chamber of Commerce. He can be reached at [email protected].